Rating the Super Bowl ads

In this weekend's high-stakes world of Super Bowl commercials (each 30-second spot sold for $3.5 million), everyone from automakers to a yogurt company will try to attract the eyeballs of viewers, competing against the urge to use game stoppages for potty breaks.

After further review, here are the ads worth crossing your legs for and others that are worth skipping:

Worth Holding It Until the Commercial Is Over

1. Honda CR-V, "Day Off": In the ad almost everyone will have seen on Facebook by the time it airs, Matthew Broderick takes the day off from work in the style of Ferris Bueller, complete with catchphrases from the original movie. Feels empty, though, without Cameron Frye and Sloane Peterson participating. Like a Jonas Brothers reunion with only one Jonas.

2. Volkswagen, "The Dog Strikes Back": An obese dog slims down so he can chase the new Beetle. An extended version morphs into the "Star Wars" cantina scene to bring back Little Vader from last year's ad. Related question: What ideas for pimping the "Star Wars" brand is George Lucas turning away? Are there any?

3. Doritos, "Bird of Prey": Among a flock of Doritos ads slotted for Sunday's game, this one features a man who imitates a voraciously hungry bird that dive-bombs for nacho chips. Hilarious hijinks ensue. It's a good thing for Doritos that the Ravens didn't make the Super Bowl. Or the Eagles. Or Larry Bird.

Cross Your Legs or Not. It's Up to You.

1. Coca-Cola, "Catch" and "Superstition": The polar bears are back, this time rooting for opposing football teams. To drag eyeballs online, Coca-Cola will use the ads to promote the website www.cokepolarbears.com, where the bears will react to the game in real time. Because America has been dying to see Ursus maritimus act like the "King of Queens."

2. Acura HSX, "Transactions": Jerry Seinfeld uses elaborate Seinfeldian bribes to be the first to own a new Acura. Keeping the ad from being truly spongeworthy, Jay Leno drops in for a cameo that is almost as unfunny as "The Tonight Show."

Go to the Bathroom. Take a Book With You. Or Two.

1. Any and all ads for GoDaddy.com: OK, Danica Patrick is inexplicably hot for a quasi-athlete who has yet to win anything substantial. We get it. For years and years we've gotten it. And we get that these ads always tease viewers to go online for a wish that never gets fulfilled. But did you have to drag Joan Rivers into it last year?

2. E-Trade, "Best Man": See, it's a talking baby, and he's the best man at a wedding, and the groom's soon-to-be-father-in-law wants the groom to earn a good living, so the baby in an improbably tall high-chair advises him to make money on e-Trade. But it's funny because it's a baby speaking in an incredibly articulate adult speech pattern with full recognition of complex online securities trading. Get it? Isn't that just a scream? We hope they never stop making these. Ever.

3. H&M, "David Beckham Bodywear": The soccer star (we use that last word loosely because, let's face it, he plays soccer) strips to his skivvies to, as one might say, bend it like Beckham. The only thing more boring and asexual would be a Go Daddy ad with Joan Rivers.

4. FirstBank, "Good Time": Dude in a recliner suggests the bank is all about customer service because it bought ad time so viewers could go to the bathroom. Which people likely will do. And then forget about FirstBank.