How To Apologize & Mean It

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February 06, 2012 | 50 Views

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With Valentine's Day around the corner, many cards and gifts come with three little words plastered on them.. I love you. But couples and families often neglect two little words that have the power to save a marriage or heal a rift between a parent and child….I'm sorry! Apologizing shows commitment when you place your relationship and your partner's feelings ahead of your pride and are able to say "It's more important to me to have your love than to be right."

1) Why is it so hard to utter those two small words?

· For some reason, many of us find it very difficult to apologize to our spouses. Those two words "I'm sorry" seem to either get stuck in our throats or come out sounding fake and insincere. This is a phenomenon that affects all relationships, but nowhere is it as widespread as it is in marriage.

· What keeps us from apologizing? Pride, self-righteousness, "keeping score," the fear of giving in, the fear of looking weak, the fear of losing face. The underlying current beneath all of this is pride. And when we have to admit that we're wrong - which means that we're admitting that the other person is right - that pinches us right where it hurts. It deflates our self esteem.

· Many people focus too much on trying to figure out who is "right" and who is "wrong" or who is to blame.

· Also common for individuals to be oblivious to the hurt they cause their partner, either because they are so focused on how their partner hurts them or because they are simply too preoccupied to notice how their behavior affects their partner.

· Fear of admitting you're wrong: It's hard for most of us to admit when we're wrong. Saying "I'm sorry" would mean admitting that we behaved badly.

How to say "I'm sorry" and mean it:

Apologizing is a skill. There is more to apologizing than just saying, "I'm sorry." There are actually five elements that need to be covered in order for an apology to be truly effective: 1) Acknowledge what you did. If you're not sure, here's a great solution - ask! 2) Acknowledge the effect it had (or must have had) on your spouse and on his/her feelings. 3) Express your regret. 4) Express your resolve